I love being a dog walker because I LOVE dogs, I LOVE making money, and I LOVE very little human interaction when I’m working. Yes, dogs are adorable, they’re man’s best friend, and their love makes us feel whole. But enough with the chit chat, Susan!
“Awe. What a cute dog! I used to have the same one, but she died…” Look, I have also lost a pet so I am not unsympathetic but considering I’m only getting paid twelve dollars to walk this still alive dog for half an hour I don’t have time to be your therapist. But I do hope Sparky rests in peace.
“Beautiful!!!!!” You pointing in my direction and shouting beautiful is very confusing. Are you saying I’m beautiful or the dog is beautiful? Either way, let’s not shout things out at people or animals even if it’s meant to be a compliment.
“My dog doesn’t like black dogs. I don’t know why.” Racism starts in the home, Carol.
“Isn’t that sweet? My dog likes your dog because she gave him her butt!” Do you even hear what you’re saying? Also, I’ve been sending mixed signals.
“If a male dog still has his balls, he’ll want to be the alpha.” I’m pretty sure that’s universal.
“You can walk me anytime” You can’t afford my prices.
“How old is your dog?” I don’t know. Do you know the ages of all your clients, Brad?
“Poor thing looks tired!” First things first, that’s rude. Never tell anyone or anything they look tired. Second, I’m tired. This dog just went outside. Doggy is fine. I’m the one walking over ten miles a day.
“Poor dog is freezing!” Yes, the dog might be cold because it’s winter and it has to go outside to poop and pee, but I’m outside the entire day walking these furry animals and no one seems to care that I’m cold! Will someone please care about me?
“Poor dog is hot.” It’s summer. Everyone is hot. Do you see the sweat dripping from my forehead? I’m dying. The dog gets to go right back into an air-conditioned apartment and everyone in these luxury buildings looks at me like I’m the animal for having armpit stains.
“Go pet the dog, Billy!” Please stop telling your children to pet the dogs I’m walking. A lot of dogs don’t like children because they’re annoying and if little Zebulon gets bitten, that’s on you!
“Awe, I love this dog!” *Then Stranger Pets Dog Without Asking* Stop this right now! What’s wrong with you? Always ask to pet a dog. The dog doesn’t need the love of a stranger to feel validated. Something I’m envious of.
“What kind of dog is that? Where did it come from?” Do I look like I can afford 23 & Me? It’s a dog. That’s the best you’re going to get from me.
In conclusion, let us dog walkers walk, we do not want to talk, because we are on the clock!