Black Friday is almost here! To get you pumped for that ruthless holiday shopping, here is the perfect fight song playlist to get you into the holiday spirit!
1.“Don’t Stop Believing”-Journey: You are just a small-town girl, living in a lonely world and you will fight to the death if that newly divorced mom, Trish thinks she will come between you and that half-priced maternity pillow you’ve had your eye on since Brad broke up with you a week ago.
2. “Lose Yourself”- Eminem: Your dad’s palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on his turtle neck already, wife’s stuffed turkey. Home Depot finally has a sale on the Nexgrill 5-Burner Propane Gas Grill in Stainless Steel with Side Burner and this is the most excitement he’s felt in years. This Christmas, Joe will not miss this sale, he will lose himself and never let it go, unlike his marriage of forty-two years.
3. “I Like It”- Cardi B: This 2018 Latin Trap jam will not only remind you that you like diamonds, dollars, millions of dollars but you’re also one hot tamale and if anyone steps in between you and that last ten-dollar fleece blanket from Costco, you’ll beat them up like a piñata.
4. “All I Do Is Win”- DJ Khaled: All you do is win, no matter what! It’s five in the morning and those last pair of Jordan’s are about to be grabbed by an undeserving twelve-year-old. Next, you step to him and his hands go up and he stays there. You’ve never been defeated and you won’t stop now! Once you’re home, place those new sneakers into that shoe bin from Ikea you successfully built after calling your dad three times for help.
5. “T.N.T”- AC/DC: Someone tell Aunt Susan she will not be riding out of the sunset on a new color TV because it was you who circled the two-hundred dollar, forty two-inch flat screen in yesterday’s Best Buy ad. You are dynamite, you will win the fight! Aunt Susan is going down!
6. “Stronger”- Britney Spears: Look, you are stronger than you ever thought that you could be and will hold onto this last iPad Mini with data for dear life because your loneliness ain’t killing you. But you will kill to show your child that you love them even if you’re never home.
7. “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)”- My Chemical Romance: You’ve been waiting in line for twelve hours at Game Stop only to have the gangly, pimple-faced teen sales associate come out and inform everyone that the last Nintendo Switch has been sold. That’s when you scream out, “I’m not okay, I’m not okay, well I’m not okay, I’m not o-fucking-kay!” You won’t get your Nintendo Switch, but no one in the store will dare touch anything you’re eyeing in the store.
8. “Formation”- Beyonce: You see it, you want it. You grind, till you own it. And if that Toyota Prius takes the last parking space near the home goods entrance of Target, you’ll slay.
Happy Holiday Shopping! And may the joys of consumerism bring out the best in all of us!